Out of balance

It’s been awhile, but i’ve decided not to apologize every time anymore and make promises to be better. Maybe I will be, maybe I won’t.
I know I want write more, but I need what I write to matter.

I’m totally out of balance these days.
And I fear that I’ve gained almost all of the 5 kgs I’d lost already. I don’t know, and I don’t want to.
I’ve been a lot away from home and it has been some stressful weeks, and it kills me to feel so out of balance, because I felt so good up until we left for France. I spoke to my mother about how I thought everything was going well and how good I felt regarding  food and training. I felt relaxed about everything and believed I was on the right path.
But now – I feel so out of sync with both food and training.
I know I will get back on track, but I can’t let it take too long.. I usually go of my track once in awhile, and then its almost like I’m starting from square one again, every time. I DON’T want that.

I really wanna go on a vacation in the fall. And for that I’d like to have lost quite a lot of weight. I’m also going into an internship, as part of my school, in september. For that I would really love to just have lost some. Mostly if I have to wear a uniform, but also to look and feel presentable.
I have so many thoughts about how much I just would really love to have focus on my self, my training, nutrition and work during summerbreak. But I also know myself – I know there needs to be several changes, inner changes, to succeed, but I also think that it’s important. Not just something I NEED to do, but want to.

I’m trying Hatha yoga on thursday. Kind of out of my comfort zone – I didn’t like the last kind of yoga I tried. But this sounds different, and the description of it says “to get bodyawareness”, and that really feels like a number one thing for me to do.

I’ve never wanted to admit or really face that it is not all about food and training. In its core it is about self-care and self-love.