I broke the scale

This morning I stepped onto the scale. I of course hoped it would say that I had lost weight. It didn’t. It couldn’t weigh me anymore. At first I just thought I stood wrong or something, but no. I tried again, no result. I wouldn’t believe that I’d gained even more weight after some semi-healthy days, with semi-healthy food and a fair amount of training. Last monday the scale told that I had allowed myself to reach a weight of 153,4 kg.
I’ve lost weight, I’ve gained weight. Many times. But I have never gone past 140 kg. I somehow always managed to stay under. Now I’m 13,4 kg over, at least.
I’m 24 years old. Woman, or something like that. Yeah I feel old when I describe myself as “woman”, but thats what I am, I guess.-

I try hard not to let society affect me. But its difficult when I know that I just don’t fit in. My looks, my appearance, my clothes and so on does not fit the norms of the society.
I’ve always been bigger than my friends and others at my age. I’m tall. Strong build.
And now, obese.

So what do I do? I know all kind of ways to loose the weight. And I do it. For at few days. Or a week. I prepare everything, tell myself “THIS is it,” “you can do this.” And I believe it every single time. Until I don’t. Until something happens. Or until I stop believing.

I’m been thinking about blogging for a really long time. How I would want it, will I have anything to share in the long run? Well, only time will show. I hope to be able to share a lot. This post is already much longer than I thought, and I could continue on.
My life in whole isn’t speciel. I simple a regular, simple life with all that it brings. I will share my ups and downs, my good days, my bad days, and of course I will give more details.

I hope that with starting this blog, I’ve created an outlet for myself, a diary. I could write a personal diary, but I don’t seem to get that done. So with starting this, I hope someone will read my post and maybe relate, maybe know that they’re not alone.

I’ve decided to be anonymous for now. I don’t like the thought of people I know might be reading this. Maybe someday I will get courage enough to reveal myself. But really, the only thing you won’t see is my face. Or know my name.
I will be sharing picture of myself. My arms will always be covered because of my ink.

 

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